Story Notes:

The request was Erestor/Glorfindel, a good story and no Elvish language included.

Mir, I hope this gives you a smile. I couldn't settle on a story until during a conversation with Kei, I got a flash of inspiration. The plot just seemed like something you might enjoy. :)


Road Trip to Mirkwood


Erestor and Glorfindel were on the road, traveling to Mirkwood on another one of their diplomatic ventures. They had a group of soldiers with them for protection against the spiders and also to keep up appearances. Elrond and Thranduil had a long standing rivalry involving a great deal of  showmanship, and Elrond insisted that they take along at least as many guards as Thranduil had arrived with on the twins’ five hundredth birthday celebration.

Glorfindel remembered how loudly Erestor had protested. He had been enlisted with the king’s intelligence services back in the previous Age, after all, and no spider was going to get the best of him. He also pointed out succinctly how ridiculous the rivalry between the realms was. Glorfindel had to step in at that point before Elrond, who had turned red in the face, took Erestor off the trip for being undiplomatic. Ever the peacemaker, he negotiated with Elrond for half the amount of men, citing the need to protect Imladris’s borders. It didn’t even matter that it was during a pretty peaceful time, as Elrond took it hook, line and sinker.

“What are you smiling about?” Erestor asked him curiously, riding up next to him. Their horses fell in line together comfortably, and Glorfindel was reminded of how good a team they could be.

He adjusted his position in the saddle. “Oh, nothing. Just never considered I could be more diplomatic than you.”

Erestor raised an eyebrow, “What are you…? Oh, the thing with Elrond? I would have gotten my way eventually.”

“That approach wouldn’t work with Thranduil. I’d be very sorry to be heading up this envoy alone.”

“Don’t be silly, it probably would work, he has a head as hard as the famed Mirkwood oak. If Elrond had pulled me from the trip, you wouldn’t have me to warm your bed at night. However, it’s well known Thranduil’s into blondes. Poor Núro, didn’t make it through the birthday dinner unmolested.”

Glorfindel made a face. “No, thank you but no. He drinks entirely too much, his hands wander and also - this isn’t an open relationship last I looked.”

“It isn’t? When were you going to tell me?” Erestor pouted, a twinkle in his eye.  “I’m so disappointed, the courtesans are world famous.”

“Famous, yes. What was it you said after the birthday party when Thranduil and his group had left? My memory’s patchy.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” Erestor said, with all the innocence of the truly guilty.

“Oh yes. I remember now. You said, and I quote, ‘they’re famous for all having the clap’,” Glorfindel pointed out, grinning. 

“Well, that does sound like me. But then, you weren’t the one who had to deal with the twins after they came back from the lovely cultural exchange program. Had to somehow get them salve for the parting gifts those courtesans gave them without Elrond finding out.”

“Elladan’s wise. I’ve noticed he’s learned to make those himself. And just thank Varda’s stars that you didn’t have to deal with Legolas in that little exchange. First class archer yes, but the arrow that got the most action was between his legs.”

“Dan’s concoctions save me trips to the Healing Halls and doctoring the supply report.” Erestor shrugged. “And Legolas never really got the concept of taken. I did tell him that we were involved and had been for a long time. His reaction was to say he wasn’t opposed to a threesome. The cheek. What are they feeding those Mirkwood elves?”

“Well, a lot of older couples experiment, I’ve heard. He probably just thought we wanted to spice up our sex life.”

“Excuse me? Older couples? You make us sound like we are senile. Who’s been telling you that?”­

“Oh, Elrond said some things… I was in the kitchens late one night and he came down and collected a lot of stuff from the pantry. I made the mistake of asking if everything was all right.” Glorfindel grimaced. “Never been able to look at custard the same way since.”

Erestor stared at him with horror. “I could happily have lived the rest of eternity without knowing about that.”

“Misery loves company. Why keep it to myself?”

“I don’t think I’m ever going to get that mental picture out of my head.” Erestor shuddered delicately.

They were both stuck with that mental picture as they rode on, conversation ending for the time being.


They made camp that night and everyone set about starting campfires and caring for the horses. Glorfindel worked with one of the cooks and helped make the food, which Erestor tasted and pronounced ‘not poisonous’. Glorfindel only threw the serving spoon at him, which he thought was a reasonable reaction because of the time and effort he had put into crafting the perfectly nutritious and non-burnt meal. He had always wanted to be a cook but destiny seemed to have other plans. Destiny smacked him on the ass as a newborn and took a liking to him, setting him on the warrior’s path, which ultimately led to him fighting a Balrog. He wished sometimes that Destiny had liked him less, but figured at least that he’d have time in Valinor to pursue his first love.

Everyone took their antics with good humor. Glorfindel was well respected in their ranks, if known for a few eccentricities, and Erestor was a favorite. Still, when it came time to assign watches and lay out their bedding for the night, they made their beds on separate sides of the fire. Their personal lives stayed private, plus Glorfindel knew how sneaky Erestor’s hands could get from personal experience. And everyone thought he was the grabby one.

After a couple of hours of so-so sleep, Glorfindel woke up at the changing of the watch. He shifted in his makeshift bed and found to no surprise that there was a rock digging into his back and he felt the pressing need for a piss. He quietly let the guard know he was leaving, careful not to disturb the sleeping camp, and went out into the woods past where the horses were tethered.  He relieved himself and washed up in the small, though energetic stream. He was wondering if the stream was connected to the runoff from the Misty Mountains when a twig snapped behind him and he turned to see who it was.

“Yes, that was deliberate,” Erestor said, pushing a thin overhanging branch out of his way and walking into the clearing. “I still remember the time you got me in a chokehold after I was too quiet coming up behind you.”

“Wasn’t deliberate, I was in a bad place then. Nightmares, sweat-soaked sheets. Jumpy. Sorry about that.”

“I know, I changed many of those sheets.” Erestor laid his head on Glorfindel’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around him. “Nothing to apologize for, silly. Now I just make sure you can hear me from a distance.”

Glorfindel stroked his dark hair gently. “Thank you, darling. What are you doing up anyway?”

“No reason,” Erestor said, muffled against his chest.

Glorfindel laughed, “I don’t really believe you. Try harder.”

Erestor was silent, so he waited patiently for him to reply, enjoying the clear night sky dotted with stars. Their journey had been kind thus far.

“Do you think our sex life needs spicing up?”

Glorfindel blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I said, do you think our sex life needs spicing up? We have been together a long time, I don’t want it to become a boring routine between us.” Erestor leaned back enough to look Glorfindel in the eye. Glorfindel saw the seriousness of his demeanor and meant to be considerate and thoughtful, but he couldn’t help what slipped out next.

“Does this mean you want to experiment with custard now?”

“No, you oaf!” Erestor shoved him hard in the shoulder. “I’m serious, be serious.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Glorfindel choked back a laugh. “No, our sex life is fine.” He saw Erestor’s crestfallen face and added hastily, “More than fine, it’s great.”

“I want it to be more than fine. I want it to be really good…amazing. What can we do about it?”

Glorfindel’s mind suddenly was empty of all thoughts. He hated when it did this: his not small intellect always failed him in high pressure moments. “Um…have more of it?”

Erestor gave him an exasperated look. “That’s quantity over quality. No, quantity will come once we have the quality down.” He glanced around thoughtfully. “We should have sex here.”

“Here?” Glorfindel repeated, baffled. “Why?”

“We never have outdoor sex. Back home you always say the good places are taken and you aren’t into voyeurism. And it’s spontaneous, which is good too.” Erestor said this with the confidence of someone who has already thought it through.

Glorfindel privately felt it didn’t count as spontaneous at all, except on his end, but was smart enough not to say this out loud. “I don’t know, it’s all rather sudden…”

Erestor leaned in, touching his cheek and smiled. “Come on, Glor, it’s a full moon, let’s live up to our Elven reputation.”

The smile and the look in Erestor’s eyes went straight through him, every time. He really didn’t think they had a sexual problem at all, in fact, from the heat curling in his gut, he was sure of it. But if Erestor wanted to fix things, well…it would just be his burden to bear.

“All right. Let’s do this.”


It moved surprisingly fast after that. Erestor normally took a little time to warm up, but he was determined, and Glorfindel thought privately one of the good things about being a settled couple was knowing all the right places to touch and kiss for maximum effect. They found a good strong tree to shelter them from anyone out for a late night walk, and Glorfindel seated himself between the roots with his back up against the trunk. He hoped it didn’t mind the show, some trees could be more conservative than others.

He wasn’t long for that line of thinking though, because he had his lap full of a half dressed Erestor, and nothing else was quite as important as that. His own pants were shoved down his hips while Erestor’s were gone entirely, his shirt mostly unbuttoned and slipping over his shoulders.  He had his hands braced on Glorfindel’s biceps, hips moving against him in a way that he thought might be illegal. He dropped his hands to Erestor’s waist and pushed up against him. “Do you have anything?”

Erestor didn’t stop moving, eyes closed as he shook his head. “No.”

“No? I thought you planned this!” Glorfindel’s voice rose higher than he intended.

Erestor stilled, causing Glorfindel to groan, and opened his eyes. “I didn’t plan this, this was spontaneous, remember?”

“Right,” Glorfindel didn’t dare say anything else, his need was pressing and he knew which battles he wouldn’t win and what might result in not getting laid at the end.

“I’m sure there’s tree sap or something,” Erestor said, eyeing the tree speculatively.

“If you think tree sap is going anywhere near me there, you’ve got another thing coming,” Glorfindel retorted firmly, reaching hastily in between them and grasping their erections together in one hand.

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” He heard laughter in Erestor’s voice and leaned in to lick the sweat off his pale breastbone.

“Oh, I see you’re feeling adventurous tonight. Do you think that’s how one would use the custard?”

“If you don’t shut up about the fucking custard right now, we will never have sex again, I promise you,” Erestor panted, pushing into his hand.

Glorfindel laughed and focused instead on making Erestor shudder. It never mattered how many times they did this, he loved it and would never grow tired of the way Erestor reacted to him.  Erestor moved closer and bit lightly where Glorfindel’s neck and shoulder met. It was a sensitive spot for him and Glorfindel felt a sharp spike of desire in his gut. Erestor’s hand joined his own, and now the tables were turned on him. One, two, three strokes and he was done, calling Erestor’s name out into the night as he reached his climax. He was dimly aware of Erestor following not long after, and when they were done they slumped together in the tree’s embrace.

They just lay there and breathed together quietly, Erestor’s head tucked against his shoulder. Glorfindel’s eyes closed. If he was honest, he was fighting sleep, but if asked, he’d say he was just checking to make sure his eyelids worked properly.

Erestor murmured, “Greedy, always finishing first.”

“What can I say, you really do it for me,” Glorfindel drawled, trying not to sound as sleepy as he was.

“Flatterer.” He felt Erestor’s smile as much as heard it. “That was good, wasn’t it?” 

“It was very good, love. I think we could spice things up more often.” If these were the results, Glorfindel would never complain. “Only next time, I think we should be less spontaneous - just enough to remember to bring oil.”

“I’ll write it down,” Erestor said contentedly. Knowing Erestor, he really would.

Glorfindel smiled, at peace with the world. “Love you, my darling.”

“Love you too, Glor.”


After Erestor caught Glorfindel asleep and snoring, it was decided they should go back to camp before their absence was really notable. They straightened their disheveled selves as much as possible, then went past the guard and slipped into their makeshift beds. Glorfindel thought he heard a giggle when they parted, but Erestor swore later that he did no such thing.  Glorfindel settled into his bed and lay back with a smile. It was much easier to fall asleep, relaxed from their play and warm inside from the look in Erestor’s eyes.

Later that morning, it was a different experience altogether. They packed up with everyone else, but there was a weird mood throughout the camp that persisted even while Glorfindel helped serve breakfast. Everyone held out their plates as usual, but Glorfindel caught a few of them giving him the side eye.

Afterwards, he bundled up his bedding and went to tie it to one of the packhorses. Erestor was there also, making sure the gear was distributed evenly. Their eyes met over Merilien, a sweet if rather dull mare, and Erestor made a face.

“Glor, I don’t know what it is with everyone today. Do you think they found a magic stream or something?”

“I don’t think so,” Glorfindel frowned. “We’ve drunk from the same water supply, so why wouldn’t it affect us?”

Erestor tightened the last strap on the saddle. “They barely got through telling me what they wanted done about packing up the campsite before bursting out laughing. And then they were terribly sorry and refused to explain the joke.”

“Did you say anything to set them off?”

“I don’t think so, I just mentioned you’d be helping with breakfast. Maybe they were remembering the spoon incident from last night?”

“But I missed, you escaped unscathed…” Glorfindel puzzled over this. “Anyway, don’t worry, I’ll get to the bottom of this. These are my men, they’ll tell me.”

“All right, if you’re sure.” Erestor looked unconvinced.


When they paused for the midday meal, he cornered Criston, the second in command, and asked him what was wrong with the troops. Criston looked conflicted for a moment, but Glorfindel gave his best Look, so he sighed and told him.

“They are laughing because, well, we Elves were blessed with the gift of keen hearing, after all, and you know how sound carries in the dead of night. There really was no need to shout,” he said, not unkindly, but clearly embarrassed at having to say it.

“Shout?” Glorfindel echoed, lost for a moment until the reality of it set in. They had heard him last night! He felt a quick, furious blush infuse his features, even though he was very sure Captains of Imladris were not expected to do that. Of course they also didn’t announce to the entire camp what they were doing in the woods with their lover either.

“Ah, I see. Erm, yes. Of course. I’ll try to remember that. More stealthy.” He cleared his throat and tried to find the most dignified way to leave, thus missing the sympathetic look he received. It didn’t turn out quite as dignified as he would have hoped because he got his foot stuck in a tangle of vine and overbalanced, landing flat on his rear.

Criston hastened to help him up, and he brushed himself off, having quite lost his battle with the blush. He doubted his day could get any more embarrassing. “If you tell anyone about this…”

“No sir, of course not, sir.”

Glorfindel walked off, rubbing his bum and trying to imagine what Erestor would say about the fact that he was a noisy lover. His rush to find out what was going on so that he could put Erestor’s mind at ease was greatly abated. The whole thing was far too embarrassing.  He knew Erestor would pry it out of him later, but Glorfindel decided he’d put up a good resistance and evade the issue for as long as possible. Maybe after a few bottles of Thranduil’s famous wine…


Chapter End Notes:

Disclaimer: No Mirkwood elves were harmed in the making of this fic. Just a lighthearted poke at oldschool LoTR fics (which I read and loved in the day). Yes, the twins' gonorrhea cleared up. :D

Beta: the truly incredible Keiliss